Growing up in a household like mine, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know there were only three acceptable answers to the question, “What do you want to be?” — doctor, engineer, or lawyer. Don’t get me wrong, those are all respectable careers. They promise security, a roof over your head, and food on the table.

But for me, that question was the first time I was confronted with a choice: settle or take a risk.

I’m not the first person to wrestle with that choice, and I won’t be the last. Every day, all of us face it in some form. And as much as I wish I could say I chose risk, I didn’t. I settled. I enrolled in law school and spent four years earning a degree that now gathers dust on my shelf — all for the sake of pleasing everyone but myself.

When people ask why I studied law, I usually say, “I thought that’s what I wanted at the time.” But if I’m being honest, the real answer is simpler: I was scared. Scared to voice what I truly wanted. Scared to reveal myself and risk being rejected by the only community I had ever known. What I wanted felt too unrealistic, too fragile to say out loud.

What I wanted was to write.

Writing gave me a kind of peace I didn’t think was possible — shaping the words that gave life to the worlds swimming around in my head. And yet, I was willing to put that peace on the shelf, the same way I put my degree on one. All in the name of settling.

The Lethal Duo

It’s wild to think about how much fear—mixed with peer pressure—has shaped the world. Scroll through social media, look around at work, or even within families, and it becomes clear: far too many of us have settled. Not just in our jobs, but in our relationships too.

Why? Sometimes, and with good reason, because it seems like there are no other options. More often, though, it's fear. Fear of the opinions of family members or friends. Fear of falling short of their expectations. Because, whether we like it or not, people have preconceived notions about what kind of life makes sense, what kind of job we should have, and what kind of partner "fits" us. And we are labelled strange the instant we stray.

How dare you want a life nothing like the one you grew up in?

How dare you desire something your circle can’t understand?

And the fear of being misinterpreted, or worse, rejected, grows as those questions reverberate in your mind.

The discomfort of standing out is too much for many people to handle. Thus, we present the truth in a tidy manner. We persuade ourselves that being "safe" and "good enough" equates to happiness. Because the alternative—chasing something unknown, feels too intimidating, we act in contentment.

And truthfully, not settling is hard. Terrifying, even. Who wouldn’t want easy when easy is right there?

But easy rarely leads to fulfilment. Life is meant to be lived fully, in whatever shape or form that looks like for us. And once the realization that death is the only certainty, it shook me. It clouded everything for a time. But after a while, it made me think more clearly and sharpened my perspective: with death so certain, do I really want to spend this brief time avoiding the life I want? Or do I want to spend it creating the joy that only comes when I refuse to settle?

 The Turning Point

I wish I could say that I changed drastically after this realisation hit me like a tonne of bricks. However, I didn't. I wrote stories under a different name and pretended that I wasn't moved every time I passed a bookshop for a long time, keeping my desires hidden like a dirty secret. All for the sake of performing.

Because it takes time to make that kind of change, the kind that involves teaching your brain to view discomfort as a positive thing. as well as effort. But the more I sat by myself and looked around, the more I realised that I was not pleased with what I saw.

Fear had taken over completely. But George Addair once said, “Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.” Slowly, I began to understand that instead of waiting for the day I felt brave enough, I had to start doing it scared. I had to step into the light, even with ridicule waiting on the other side. 

Because here’s the truth: people will always have something to say. Even if you follow the rules, play it safe, blend into the crowd—you’ll still face judgment. So why not choose judgment for living authentically, instead of judgment for betraying yourself?

The world is always trying to mold you into everyone else. Those rules about what you “shouldn’t” or “can’t” do? They’re just attempts to squeeze people into boxes they don’t belong in—or worse, pressure them into boxes they never wanted.

And yes, I’ve doubted myself many times. But I’ve also realized something else: the people who are truly successful, who live the lives they dreamed of, aren’t the ones who saw those riles as ones to follow. They saw those rules as ones to break.

Ultimately, we have one life. Just one. And whether you see the risk as far too great or not, the truth is this: if you don’t break out of the cycle, you’ll master the art of settling. But if you do? You’ll master the art of living.

About The Author: Chantelle Matawu

"I’m a versatile content writer and copywriter with experience crafting both long-form and short-form content across various industries, including crypto, tech, business, sports, and lifestyle. From blog posts and landing pages to email copy and social media campaigns, I adapt my voice to connect with diverse audiences.

Proficient in CMS tools like WordPress and guided by SEO best practices, I’ve created everything from B2B articles to creative storytelling. As a ghostwriter with The Urban Writers, I’ve brought self-help and romance books to life, blending authenticity with strategy, and helped brands grow through compelling, well-researched content.

Backed by a Bachelor of Laws (LLB) from the University of the Witwatersrand, I bring strong research and critical thinking to every project. I believe in the power of words to shift perspectives and tell stories that inspire, inform, and drive change."