FOREWORD
I am reminded of a certain scene in the Netflix Original Series "Better Call Saul" when discussing the topic of professional jealousy in Arts & Culture. In this scene, there are two brothers, Charles and James, who are engaged in a confrontation orchestrated by James.

James has discovered that his brother has been covertly working to sabotage him from joining the legal team that Charles is a partner and founder of. This is despite James doing everything in his power to follow in his brother's footsteps and become an illustrious lawyer. To make matters worse, James has just discovered a class-action fraud case that would be excellent and lucrative to refer to Charles' legal firm, HHM. Despite this very large lawsuit potentially netting the associates of HHM millions of dollars in damages, Charles refuses to hire his own brother, who has also been caring for him through several years of poor health.

"Why were you working against me, Chuck?"
Asks James, fighting off tears.

"Because you're not a real lawyer!"
Replies Charles, viciously. James is gobsmacked.

There’s an uncomfortable silence, broken only by Charles continuing his declaration:

"I worked my ass off to get to where I am, I've dedicated my life to this. You take these shortcuts, and all of a sudden you're my peer? [...] What a sick joke."

This scene is utterly heartbreaking to behold. Not just because a man's hopes are being destroyed by his own brother, who claims to love him, but because the scene is all too relatable.

INTRODUCTION
My name is Dominic Nesmejanow. I have been creating mixed media and art for over 15 years. I have over 40 published songs available on all major music streaming platforms, all produced on a budget of nothing. I am not wealthy, or even valued in society, despite 7 years of loyal service to the NHS in England.

I only have to look back on my memories of working in this cult-like institution to recall how often this kind of thing happens. Newer, younger members of staff are made to feel like impostors, even though they have the same right to be there, to feel valued, and to feel safe in their employment like everyone else. The layers and layers of bureaucracy that keep getting added make everything slower, and this makes things harder and more time-consuming to accomplish, even simple policy. Younger NHS staff are blamed for these changes. We're blamed for wokeism (overly correct attitudes), and more terrifyingly, we're scapegoated at any opportunity.

You only have to look at the case of the disgraced neo-natal nurse Lucy Letby to see political scapegoating in the NHS. For those not aware, Letby was convicted of murder and attempted murder of several newborn and vulnerable babies at the Countess of Chester Hospital in England. She is currently serving fifteen consecutive life sentences, with no possibility of release, from her convictions last year in 2024.

Despite the horror of this story, her appeal has revealed that there is no medical evidence that any of the deaths or injuries were intentionally caused. Still, she is considered one of the most evil women to ever exist, and her liberty is gone. A scapegoat for a broken system?

DEPARTURE FROM HEALTHCARE
I became aware of some suspicious practices and management strategies within my NHS sector. Even after escalating and raising my concerns, I was ignored. I feared I’d be next in line for the blame game, so I got the hell out of there while I still could. I can't work somewhere that challenges my morals every day and where my voice is suppressed.

I began writing songs and poems to process my feelings of worry and angst, as a way to stop those emotions from running my life. That’s when I truly fell in love with songwriting, which I’ve continued with ever since. I now release music under the project Narcissists (@narcissistsuk), and I wish I could say it’s been a smooth ride, but it really hasn’t.

THE BEGINNING OF NARCISSISTS
I released my debut album Opening Move in 2022 to conceptualise my musical vision into something more legible. Something other potential collaborators could understand and vibe with more easily. The album was completely self-produced and very much a one-man operation.

In the beginning, everyone I met through music was happy to give me tips and tricks here and there to help get me started. Nobody saw me as anything more than a hobbyist with a cathartic passion. But then opportunity knocked.

CHANGING ATTITUDES
I have no idea what happened, but people started to turn against me. Not in a personal or nasty way, it just seemed like the more I tried to create interesting content and music for people, the more people (specifically those who knew me before the project started) began to pretend I wasn’t there. I didn’t mind at first. “Not everyone is going to get it,” I told myself. But it wasn’t that they didn’t get it, but it was that they couldn’t believe what I was able to create, from nothing, with no job to support me.

With no marketing experience or budget, I managed to build a decent following across all platforms Narcissists features on. I had some successes, some failures, but learned a lot from the hands-on experience.

I reached out to local bands and artists who were in a similar position to me, asking if they’d like to collaborate or work together to promote independent music from our local scene in Wigan, Lancashire. But this was met with rejection — and scrutiny, through the grapevine.

I used to lie awake at night, wondering what slight I had made to their upstanding characters to deserve being cast aside and labelled a “knobhead.” But finally, I realised what it was. I had something special.

IMPACT ON THE ARTIST
I nearly “threw the towel in” many times, but managed to calm myself with the help of close family and friends who’ve always encouraged me to pursue my passions. I think of all those I’ve inspired to create since then. The listeners on platforms like Soundcloud who stream my autobiographical songs about suffering over and over again (almost obsessively). And I think about all the content (not just music) that wouldn’t exist if I had given up.

I think of my friends in the music industry, whose albums would be missing songs, and whose shows would have an empty space in the crowd if I’d walked away. I think about how much my mental and physical wellbeing has improved as a result of dealing with my past in a healthy, creative way - through writing poems, songs, and articles like this one.

So many people are perceived to be “about to create something they are passionate about,” but never do, because they’re too afraid of being criticised by people who don’t know how to be constructive. It’s a shame. But in my opinion, that’s one of the biggest things that separates an artist from a hobbyist, the ability to create without embarrassment, and without worrying what the haters will think.

You can’t allow yourself to be consumed by the wants and wishes of others. You have to do it for yourself. You have to make it happen. Time waits for no one.

CONCLUSION
If the right path hadn’t presented itself to me, I would not be creating anything except drama, for being the “new member of staff” every twelve months.

Oasis. It’s “Dom from up the road made an album.” Support your artist friends - they bleed for your entertainment. Art is subjective. Just because you don’t like someone’s work doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve to be enjoyed by others. It still has a right to exist.

A good friend of mine once told me something I’ll never forget on the topic of professional jealousy. I asked Jack Heaton of Flechettes Band what his best advice was for someone just getting started in the music industry. His answer has stayed with me for over five years:

“Stay in your own lane, but do everything in your power to make that lane unique and refreshing.”
– Jack Heaton (2020)

Jack was trying to impress on me how important it is to focus on developing your own voice and your own work, instead of constantly comparing yourself to others. Because that comparison will kill your authenticity. It’ll eat your drive. And you’ll end up asking yourself things like:

“Why am I not there yet?”

No. Don’t do that to yourself. And don’t do it to others either. Let people create what they want to. Encourage them to keep going. Keep criticism constructive and speak to the artist directly. Be humble, everyone else was once learning to stand, just like you are.

I want to sign this off by saying: KEEP CREATING.
Don’t stop unless you genuinely have no passion for it anymore.
KEEP GOING, and don’t let yourself be disheartened by the scripted nature of the algorithms.
You will break through if you work hard enough. Not just with your art, but with every aspect of your being.

Thanks for reading.
Dominic Nesmejanow
Creative Director of Narcissists